The Sitka Gearslinger

Dearest Sitka Gearslinger,
My love for you has no bounds. Undeniable. True. All for you, my Love is. Conceptually, you are perfect. In execution, nearly. There are some things though, that I think we should address before we take this relationship any further. You know how sexy I find you. I brag to all my friends about my splendidly apportioned companion. So, I hope you won't take this as a personal attack, because everything I'm about to say here is merely about optimizing the wonderful thing we've got going here. I mean, you want this to last, right? You don't want me getting bored and chasing some hotter, younger bag around, do you? Of course you don't. It's not like I -would- do that. I just have certain... needs. And that's why we have to talk. So, I've made a list. Of some suggested changes. If you want this to work, that is. You're not obligated to do anything of course. It's not that I want to change you. I just want to make you -better-. I just want -us- to be better. You'll see it my way, I'm sure. Let's start with your water bottle pocket. I know it's sized for a 1L Nalgene Bottle...but, let's face it. Not everyone has one that big. That size may be ideal for you, yes, but...it's just not me. It's embarrassing when my 750 mL Camelbak Better Bottle slips right out when I lay you horizontally. How can I trust you if, in my heart, I know you'll never be satisfied with my sub-par liquid apparati? It's a small issue, but it'd be nice if you'd consider my feelings here. You know what would be great? How about a zippered pocket, sized to a 1L Nalgene bottle, similar to your cousin, the 10x4 Bottle Holder? You could have a full clamshell opening for easy access, that would take any size. This doesn't worry me. I'd be secure in the knowledge that you'd take mine, at least, and that's all that matters. You could fit other things in there too, this way. Whatever made you happy. And you'd have room for PALS webbing on it. Think of all the possibilities this opens up for us. I'm not saying you should undergo cosmetic surgery of any kind. I'm just saying I'll pay for it. Gladly. You know, while we're at it, why not put some PALS above the pocket too? A nice little runway for light or single mag pouches wouldn't hurt. Your new clamshell ensures side-to-side and top-down access, so the PALS above shouldn't interfere with bottle pocket entrance or extraction. Just wanted to throw that out there. Give it some thought. Really, I love you just the way you are. I want you to reach your full potential, is all. Ultimately, I'm not going to be the one to change you. You're going to change because you want to. And I'll be here with you every step of the way. Probably.

Yours For the Foreseeable Future,
Doer of Things